i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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