he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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