We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
