How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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