I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
