i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
