we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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