Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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