I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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