Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
