as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
