dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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