Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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