I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
