I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
