I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
