So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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