my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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