Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
