he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
