I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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