she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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