Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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