wat bout pragnant strippers??
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
