I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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