a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
