from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
