Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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