And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize