he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
