It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
