Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
