Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
