Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
