Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
