I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
