i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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