Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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