i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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