I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize