yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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