so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
