oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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