If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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