Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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