okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
