Me. At least after what I've been through.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
