I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
