I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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