you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
