Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
