Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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