i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
