my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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