At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
