Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
