I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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