Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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