i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
