Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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