I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
