I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
