Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
