Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So vagazzling was a success
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
