I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
