I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
