Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
