I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
