this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
