i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
