You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
