I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Green mimosas i think yes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
