Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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