It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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